Gearing up for my numerology reading, I thought Susan would give me one number and talk about a few things I already thought I knew about my Life Path. She would tell me I’m like the Empress, the third tarot card, that I’m meant to create life and nurture a big family and big art. This was only partly true. Susan surprised me with many different numbers: 3s, and 5s, and 9s, oh my! But the biggest surprise was her positive (in the sense of both ‘determined’ and ‘sunny’) advice that I don’t have to grow up.
The personality she described reminded me of the way I am around my best friends. Sadly, I realized, the person I am when I’m around my “soul family” bears almost no resemblance to the person I am on a daily basis. I’m relatively young, and I thank fate that I haven’t invested many years in living so unaligned from my soul’s purpose. How did I get so off track? The long answer is—well—long, but the short answer is that I set my compass to an external direction, not my true north.
Susan discussed writing, travel, freedom, playfulness, compassion, children, animals. She reminded me of all the Bohemian truths (true norths, for me) that had made theater and music my passions in school. The theme of constant movement shows up in a long-forgotten journal entry I wrote during a stressful period in college, in which I envision my happiest self as a particle bouncing wildly about, almost drunkenly, moving through space, encountering no obstacles.
The morning after my reading I stepped into the backyard and spied a hummingbird high in a tree. It was such a small piece of sky to happen to look at. It was the joyous, unimpeded particle of my dreams. There was nothing to slow her down. She was hot in pursuit of nectar I’m sure, and very happy about it, but I didn’t see her too long before she was gone—a small, moving window into a possible future me, who has isolated and owned my strange turn, and committed (with the special passion of one who has strayed) to my true north.
~A Free Three